{"id":21,"date":"2011-02-10T22:14:00","date_gmt":"2011-02-10T22:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/?p=21"},"modified":"2013-01-21T03:19:10","modified_gmt":"2013-01-21T03:19:10","slug":"hair-tearingly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/?p=21","title":{"rendered":"Hair-Tearingly"},"content":{"rendered":"

With a baby on the way, there is a lot of cuteness going on. Anne bought little onesies in Costa Rica with monkeys on them. Something as mundane as little baby socks can make even a British royal guard on duty cock his head and coo.<\/p>\n

Right now we are swimming in a sea of cuteness. Cute fetus images, cute clothes, cute looks, cute thoughts. I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS CUTE LITTLE SPICY PEANUT!<\/p>\n

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Cuteness can be dangerous. This was evidenced by how exhausted I was after Puppy Bowl VII this past Sunday. (Another game took place that day; can’t remember what.) If you did not watch the Puppy Bowl, you’re helping the terrorists win.<\/p>\n

Can you imagine watching this for 2 hours? I needed a lie-down afterwards there was so much cuteness. Luckily there was some sports event afterwards during which I could sleep. It was something somewhat boring and homoerotic, if I remember correctly through my sleepy haze.<\/p>\n

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Anyway, the physiological effects of cuteness vary based on degree of cuteness. Observe the table below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Cuteness<\/strong><\/td>\nExample<\/strong><\/td>\nPhysiological Effect<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Minimal<\/td>\nYawning cat<\/td>\nPitch of voice increases<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Low<\/td>\nPuppy or kitten romping<\/td>\nVolume level steadily rises<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Somewhat<\/td>\nPuppy AND kitten romping<\/td>\nTouching of the face increases<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Medium<\/td>\nTwins wearing identical clothes on a seesaw<\/td>\n“Awww” with increasing length and frequency<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Above Avg.<\/td>\nNewborn baby in onesie<\/td>\nHeart rate quickens<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Medium-High<\/td>\nNewborn baby in onesie with rabbit ears hoodie<\/td>\nPupils dilate, profuse sweating<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
High<\/td>\nPuppy Bowl<\/td>\nHorror of\/fury at level of cuteness<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Very High<\/td>\nHamster wearing bonnet and dress, caressed by kitten<\/td>\nTear out hair<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Critical<\/td>\nRoom full of tiny versions of mundane objects (e.g. baby shower)<\/td>\nStart knocking over objects, Charles Foster Kane Style<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

I understand that Anne’s mom has been hoarding baby things for some time now. She may not want to present them to us in her own house. At least not all at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
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Cuteness kills.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Based on the table above and the inevitable level of cuteness, coming to our baby shower (whenever it will be) should be like a gathering of violent escaped mental patients with Tourette’s playing Finders Keepers<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With a baby on the way, there is a lot of cuteness going on. Anne bought little onesies in Costa Rica with monkeys on them. Something as mundane as little baby socks can make even a British royal guard on duty cock his head and coo. Right now we are swimming in a sea of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=21"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":52,"href":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21\/revisions\/52"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=21"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=21"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.spicypeanut.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=21"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}