In a previous post I mentioned that forgetfulness is part of the pregnancy. I just learned a(nother) horrifying risk of pregnancy: Couvade Syndrome. Also known as “sympathetic” or “phantom” pregnancy, is when the father experiences pregnancy-like symptoms, including breast tenderness, nausea, weight gain, and even labor pains.
I didn’t know pregnancy was contagious. Why didn’t they warn me about this in health class? This would have prepared me just as much for the real world as teaching me CPR and showing me horrible photographs of STD-infested genitals.
Apparently the word “couvade” comes from the French verb “couver,” which means to brood or to hatch. While it could refer to something like “hatching a plan,” there’s an idiom faire la couvade, which means “to sit doing nothing.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuMZBcJRAXQ
Some of these symptoms could in part be due to elevated estrogen levels that have been measured in expectant fathers. Hopefully it’s not enough for me to go up a cup size.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting says, “Any number of emotions that have settled down in your psyche these days could trigger these symptoms, from sympathy (you wish you could feel her pain and so you do), to anxiety (you’re stressed about the pregnancy or about becoming a father), to jealousy (she’s getting center stage; you’d like to share it.)” (474) Yes. I am extremely jealous of my wife’s breast tenderness. And it is definitely making her the center of attention. I must mimic those symptoms. Yes…very good. Ow…mmm. Sometimes celebrity hurts.
I confess that I’m falling victim to a lot of cravings. Last week we were both Jonesing for Chinese food. Luckily Bea and Patrick treated us to the MSG-free deliciousness that is Chef Chu. Mmm…pork buns. (You know the place is good because there is a picture of the owner with Justin Bieber on the wall.) I must say I really want pickles every night I come home. Anne doesn’t. And I really want sardines for dinner this week. And I really wanted green bean casserole tonight. So I’m kind of the one with the weirder cravings. And I barfed on Valentine’s day, though that was almost certainly because of food poisoning. So, I guess one of us had morning sickness, anyway. One night of it.
I might be gaining weight, I don’t know. Now that I’m over 30, I feel like it is my responsibility to avoid even noticing the scale and confronting the truth that my body is now quickly decaying into a withered, overweight puddle of Cheetos dust. I guess that would make it Cheetos mud. It sounds delicious. I will start craving it now. Perhaps it will give me the attention I deserve.
