With a baby on the way, there is a lot of cuteness going on. Anne bought little onesies in Costa Rica with monkeys on them. Something as mundane as little baby socks can make even a British royal guard on duty cock his head and coo.
Right now we are swimming in a sea of cuteness. Cute fetus images, cute clothes, cute looks, cute thoughts. I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS CUTE LITTLE SPICY PEANUT!
Cuteness can be dangerous. This was evidenced by how exhausted I was after Puppy Bowl VII this past Sunday. (Another game took place that day; can’t remember what.) If you did not watch the Puppy Bowl, you’re helping the terrorists win.
Can you imagine watching this for 2 hours? I needed a lie-down afterwards there was so much cuteness. Luckily there was some sports event afterwards during which I could sleep. It was something somewhat boring and homoerotic, if I remember correctly through my sleepy haze.
Anyway, the physiological effects of cuteness vary based on degree of cuteness. Observe the table below.
| Cuteness | Example | Physiological Effect |
| Minimal | Yawning cat | Pitch of voice increases |
| Low | Puppy or kitten romping | Volume level steadily rises |
| Somewhat | Puppy AND kitten romping | Touching of the face increases |
| Medium | Twins wearing identical clothes on a seesaw | “Awww” with increasing length and frequency |
| Above Avg. | Newborn baby in onesie | Heart rate quickens |
| Medium-High | Newborn baby in onesie with rabbit ears hoodie | Pupils dilate, profuse sweating |
| High | Puppy Bowl | Horror of/fury at level of cuteness |
| Very High | Hamster wearing bonnet and dress, caressed by kitten | Tear out hair |
| Critical | Room full of tiny versions of mundane objects (e.g. baby shower) | Start knocking over objects, Charles Foster Kane Style |
I understand that Anne’s mom has been hoarding baby things for some time now. She may not want to present them to us in her own house. At least not all at the same time.
 |
| Cuteness kills. |
Based on the table above and the inevitable level of cuteness, coming to our baby shower (whenever it will be) should be like a gathering of violent escaped mental patients with Tourette’s playing Finders Keepers.
I realize that this is your S.P. we are talking about, but I’d be careful about ascribing “cuteness” to it at this stage. It leaves the child with very little to aspire to. The adjective that I might ascribe to such an image as that above might be portentous, or to be more precise, a “potent portent of potential presence.” I don’t blame you entirely for falling into hyperbole, but you might want to check out this TED talk on 4 taboos about parenthood: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html.